Wrinkles and moth balls.

Growing old is not pleasant. One has to deal with aches in body parts one didn’t previously know existed. I suppose I mean ‘older’, not ‘old’. I am not old (crossing arms, then my fingers…and toes), but definitely older than I would like to admittedly be. What is the cut-off age for ‘oldness’ though, I wonder. Will there be that one day, a milestone birthday maybe,or an event that marks me to the world as being irrevocably old?  I think the magic number slips further away as our youth wanes. When I was younger I thought someone over 50 was pretty old. Now, two decades or so away from that number, boy, am I reconsidering. Age may be just a number, but, when this number inches toward 30, a lot of things dawn on you hard and fast. These are things personally experienced or observed in err…friends. (My mom reads my blog.)

1. Cannot pass off as a college student any more. Conventional need to (begrudgingly) leave tips.

2.Inability to stay up beyond 12 a.m. (Unless I want to look like a badly resuscitated mummy the next morning). Friends seldom receive the 12 a.m.  “Happy Birthday” call. It’s usually  just a text. To be fair, said friend (in same age group) is also fast asleep. Sleepy time beckons, and follow one must.

3. Inability to sleep beyond 8 a.m. (Okay, fine, 8.30 a.m. – told you, my mom reads this.)

4.Drinking is purely for relaxation. Getting drunk is just inconvenient. A mere social endeavor to unwind. No one boasts about ‘capacity’ anymore. Wine and bourbon are the new vodka and tequila. A warm brandy with a cinnamon stick trumps all. Yes, I know it’s the elixir of the aging.

5. Wearing heels to soirées is now a choice. A choice that’s seldom made. One I made last night but did not regret. (Thank God for well made shoes!)

6.Tolerance for idle “boy” talk and inane gossip reduces drastically. Okay, I am kidding. I am growing older, not retreating into sainthood.

7. Is “EDM” music? Really? That beat needs to drop into the fiery depths of hell.

8.Watching the latest episode of Downton Abbey is more important than going through Facebook updates. In my defense, the Dowager Countess of Grantham is a wily old fox. And I bet she can take a mean selfie.

9. Dinner & Drinks over partying. Movies (the not so loud ones) over partying. Flea markets over partying. Indian Coffee House over partying. TV shows over partying.

Partying = over.

10. Talking on the phone for over 5-10 minutes at a stretch (unless it’s a catch up after a decade with a pal) is nigh on impossible.

11. Inability to withstand loud music.

12. Making new friends (note: not referring to ‘friending’). Ugh. Such a lot of trouble. Introducing oneself. Picking out select socially acceptable bits of information about yourself you want to share (and hope the skeletons in the closet don’t come clacking out). Listening to said potential friend’s life story. Putting up with new drama. Watching your existing friends hate the new entity. No, thank you. I will contend with the ones I have and maybe make a rare exception. Very rare.

Having said all of this, there is ONE element one can never outgrow: knowing the lyrics to ALL the boy band songs of the 90s and singing along every time. EVERY SINGLE TIME!

[singing]

Oh my god we’re back again….
Brothers, sisters, everybody sing….
Gonna bring the flavor, show you how
Gotta question for ya, better answer now yeah

I know you’re singing along. *smirk*