As I live and breathe I…

…solemnly swear to keep away from all epic romances especially the ones made under the Yash Raj Films (and Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s cause that dude is off his rocker as well) banner. I always expected Jab Tak Hai Jaan to be cheesy and slightly fantastical, but a little bit of sophistication and story rather than making every scene look perfect would have made this film infinitely better. For starters, the Olympic rings in St Pancras International station apparently in 2002 :-/, Akira Rai (bum short wearing obviously feisty and “modern” girl in the explosive Kashmir area) bikini-clad-dry-as-a-bone atop a rock in the middle of a pristine blue lake in Leh poised to dive in (on a dare, cause she’s “cool” y’all – did she fly to this spot or can she tread on water?) and a few seconds later emerges gasping and obviously freaked out that the waters are ‘OMG’ so frigid!! (Did I mention she needed to be rescued by SRK despite the fact that she is a national level swimmer and deep sea diver?) And what sort of “topper” student doesn’t know basic geography and climatic conditions (and she wants to work for Discovery Channel…girlfriend, try India TV) and SRK who was 25 in the flashback, became 28 in his retrograde amnesia phase where he is supposed to have regressed to his 25 year old self (but no, we don’t actually do math, don’t be silly!) Did he and wooden faced (and obviously totally modern too cause she smokes in seedy back alleys, says ‘what the fuh…’ and has an inner bad ass diva alter ego – the even shorter leather skirt in the snow wearing Tina – cause come on, Tina is like such a bad ass name) Katrina date for 3 years while I was rolling my eyes? I hope so, because that’s how long the film seemed to me.

Fine, I’ll concede this too to the epic-Bollywood-romance-no-sense-may-we-make credo. I think more than anything I am disappointed by the fact that given the kind of access and resources these big budget filmmakers have, they end up making such inconsequential trash. The only good bit about the film was the tribute to Yash Chopra at the end which meant he was really dead, and we are spared from future trash, unless he has a pact with Jesus and makes films from the afterlife. Who can tell with this lot? Oh, wait, I forgot Karan Johar. Sigh.  I thought after films like Rock On, Kahaani and Barfi doing so well in the mainstream, we would have evolved a bit, apparently not. I guess the fact that I demanded for Jab We Met tickets at the Cineworld counter and stared expectantly at the bloke who in turn gawped bewilderingly at the ticketing screen till Naina hurriedly told him to look for Jab Tak Hain Jaan was indication of my inner voice of reason fighting a losing battle with my monumental bad judgment. This was not a film. It was a mini holiday to pretty locations and the only thing marring it were the people on screen. Okay, venom spewed. For more detailed story review, knock yourself out:

http://mumbaiboss.com/2012/11/15/the-vigil-idiot-jab-tak-hai-jaan/

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