Fool adjacent

Okay, I’ll try to not to make this one a rant/hate list.

Okay,  drawing a very solid blank here. Absolutely nothing comes to mind. Well, there you have it, I am a born ranter. I am one of those scowlers that turn each day into doomsday and mutter unhappily under their breath.

In my defense (and I always try and have on…for everything) I went trailer surfing on IMDB in hopes of finding some cheerful inspiration to write about. Instead I found trailers of epics and biographies and tragedies and psychedelic crime stories which ended up making me mopey, hopeful and cynical. None of the above are feelings are new, other than mopey. I rarely mope. I sulk. That’s my usual MO. There was Avengers: Age of Ultron, though. But that barebones trailer was below satisfactory. I swear I could see Thor for barely a second.

In other news, I’m house hunting. In other words, my soul is getting crushed one prospective tenant-landlord conversation at a time.

LL1: “Are you vegetarian?”
Me: (long incredulous pause) “What the…. No, I’m not. I eat all types of non vegetarian food.”
LL: “ShivaShiva… No, no, medam. Only vegetarians allowed. ”
Me: “Why?”
LL: “Non vegetarian flesh cooking is making house impure.”
Me: *insert troll face”

LL2: “You have baay friend?”
Me: … Unfortunately not at this point… “Uh, no. I don’t have a boy friend.”
LL: “Good, good. No baays should be coming to house, pliss. You know kalyug nowadays. All girlsa basysa staying. Tch tch. We’re family people. Only want decent people.”
Me: “Yes. But my friends might come over for a visit–”
LL: “What! BAAY friends, ah!????”
Me: “No, only fairies and elves.”

LL3: “Where are you virginally from?”
Me: “Assam.”
LL: “Oh ho ho. Uh. Mary Kom, ah? Very nice picture. Beautiful place. But we’re wanting local people only.”
Me: “Why would local people want to rent houses?”
LL: Hehehehe. “Wokay, wokay. No problem. You’re from Assam. It’s okay. I will trust you.”
Me: “Why?”
LL: “You look like good girl.”
Me: (choking back a scoff)

LL4: “Where are you residing now?”
Me: “Xyz Road.”
LL: “Right here only! What is your reason for leaving that place? ”
Me: I’m planning to murder my neighbours and bomb the house. “I’m staying with a friend now, but I want a place of my own.”
LL: “Wokay. Nice area it is.”

What was the point of that, again?

I go back for more house viewings this weekend. Yay..NOT. Also, notice how this post ended up a rant. Muhahahahaha.


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